Happy birthday to me.
1. Things won’t always be okay. And apparently, that’s normal. People fall apart and they pull themselves together. Millennials are having it the hardest, apparently (but then again, what a millennial thing to say), and social media isn’t helping. Whatever. Here’s the baseline: you can’t expect a happy ending without the hard stuff in between. You think the princesses in fairytales had it easy? At least you’re aware that you’re living in a patriarchal society (versus those poor, poor princesses), and you’ve never had to rely on fate to bring you true love’s kiss to save you from a poisoned apple. We have modern medicine/raw veganism as viable solutions (depending on your worldview).
You’re also not alone. You may feel it, but this is where technology proves itself worthy. Strangers a million miles away are writing or vlogging the things they’re feeling, too. And just knowing that is enough affirmation to keep you going.
2. Compartmentalizing is key in maintaining happiness and sanity. Without it, you blur the lines and you lose your sense of self. Work/friends/relationships/etc. slowly seep into your being and it feels like those things are you. They’re not. Don’t let them be.
If it’s hard—especially with work becoming accessible at the tip of your fingertips—and you’re too paranoid to turn off the tech, find a hobby (preferably one that takes you away from tech…like dance (heh), fitness classes, or painting) that keeps you preoccupied. Or, find a friend who’s in the same boat as you. Sometimes all you need is someone to vent talk to.
3. Look up. I could give you a soapbox schpiel about keeping your chin up, but I won’t. That shi*t makes my eyes roll. I mean look up, literally. Nothing puts me more at ease than lying on my back and staring at the night sky for a few minutes. The world is a seriously beautiful place, and just remembering that there’s more than you in this universe is an amazing, humbling feeling.
We lose the feeling of awe and excitement as we age. Look up instead of down at your phone for a change, and let the moon and stars overwhelm you.
4. What you put in your body matters. Why I continue to feed myself things that aren’t whole baffles me, because every time I do get into the routine of eating vegan/raw, everything changes overnight. My mood, my energy, my tastebuds, my hair, my skin, my body—it’s incredible, really.
Unfortunately, I’m still in a place where I’m stuck on old habits. Food isn’t comfort, I have to remind myself. And I shouldn’t settle on a food because it’s convenient. I cringe as I write this, but as my mother says: “Your body is a temple. Worship it.”
Why are moms always right? (Things I Learned By 24, no. 24A: Mothers will always be right, no matter how old you are.)
5. What you put on your body matters, too. Yes, I work for a skincare brand, but it’s because I’m at Mario Badescu that I became totally immersed in the beauty world and industry. Second to your water intake and diet is skincare: how you take care of your skin speaks volumes of overall health and wellness.
Don’t forget that self-care is a form of survival. When you preen, when you give yourself time, when you choose to invest in the largest organ of your body—you’re allowing yourself to take care of yourself. Don’t forget about you. You come first.
6. Green tea and water are everything. Life. Source.
7. Sleep is paramount. I see the insomnia in my skin, my belly, my eyes. I don’t—can’t—metabolize without rest. I can’t concentrate without it. I feel the bags under my eyes, I fight the urge to put on makeup before leaving the house. My goal for 24 is to fall asleep before 3 a.m… but until then, I’ll try anything to get me there.
8. A beautiful space fosters creativity. When my bedroom is freshly Swiffer-ed, my desktop bare (save the essentials), my bed made, and my closet organized, I feel zen. I feel inspired. I feel ready to conquer the world. Silly? Hardly. Your environment is one of your greatest influences, and it’s crucial you remember that.
It’s so easy to let things pile up when you’re “too busy” working or living. There’s no shame in that; I’ve been there, still doing that. But one of the most therapeutic things—especially when I feel mentally, physically, and emotionally stuck—is just cleaning my living space from top to bottom. The relief when it’s all done is immense. Freeing.
It’s the little things.
9. Lean in my a**. Sheryl Sanders, no thank you. That’s all.
10. Saying ‘no’ is your right. It’s especially important for a woman. You don’t have to be the ‘Yes’-woman (see above). No is every bit of a right answer, too.
11. Don’t apologize for being a woman. Stop saying you’re sorry for feeling or reacting the way you do. Stop feeling guilty for wearing what you genuinely feel good in. I’ll admit that despite being aware of patriarchal dictations on women and dress I fall prey to them all the time, and it kills me because I feel like a complete and utter hypocrite (Note to self as a 24 year-old-woman: Stop apologizing. There is no such thing as a perfect feminist.). I’ll avoid the things I want to wear because I’m afraid of the attention I may draw, or what people will think. When I get cat-called, I analyze what I’m wearing first. I’ll hunch when I’m out alone. I’ll try to shrink in the crowd.
I need to stop, and so do you. It’s okay to want to express how you want to feel inside. It’s okay to want to be seen as a woman, to feel like a woman, to be feminine. Being or looking like a woman isn’t weak. It’s a strength. It’s who you are.
12. It’s okay to wear the same things over and over again. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. You know what you feel best in. For example: my wardrobe consists entirely of neutrals with the occasional pop of blue or red, ditto with my nail polish collection. Bodysuits, high-waisted pants, and fitted dresses are my M.O. I also have enough tawny, mauve-y blushes and lipsticks to last me a lifetime. Like I said. If it ain’t broke.
13. Be kind to everyone—even those you can’t stand. That said, this does not mean you need to suck up to anyone or let horrible people walk all over you. You are a boss a** bitch.
14. Stand up for yourself.
15. Life’s too short for mediocrity. It’s all or nothing. Don’t save things for special occasions, use them today! Stop hiding under the guise of doing something as a hobby; pursue it as if it were your career. Until you give it your all without abandon, you’re only selling yourself short.
This applies to everything you do. Including the lipstick you use. Dammit, babe: use the Chanel!
16. Keep a meticulous calendar. Whether you’re a Google Cal or a Filofax woman, keeping on top of your to-do lists and engagements is step one to adulthood. This will ensure that you get your ish done so you can get #ontothenext. (Additionally, if anything should happen to you, someone will be able to track down where you were and send help in the right direction. The key to not having this backfire on you is to not be too specific, but write just enough so you and someone close to you know what you’re talking about. Use nicknames or abbreviations, no addresses (unless it’s a public place, big event, or first date). Do I sound paranoid? For those of you who missed my last post: I grew up binge-watching SVU, and I have an overprotective mother, k?)
Also, organization as a whole should be a priority. Label your emails with the appropriate tab(s). File your paperwork and bills the moment you get them. Misplace nothing so finding the important stuff in the future will be a breeze. Your time is money, and if you can make it easy for yourself, why not?
17. You’re not invincible. Coming to terms with mortality may seem morbid, but it’s a good thing. Careless drinking will kill you. Unhealthy eating will kill you. Texting and driving will kill you. But more importantly, you’ll be hurting someone else in the process, too. Make smart choices. The fact that I’ve even texted while driving actually haunts me in my dreams; shame on me. At 24, I should know better. So should you.
18. Financial independence is the goal, but being financially responsible is #goals. Real life means bills. Lots of them. Learn where you spend and where to save so you can enjoy every bit of your 20s without sinking into debt.
19. Reading the works of women will strengthen and inspire you. Clarissa Pinkola, Vivian Gornick, Joan Didion, Marguerite Duras, and Anais Nin are incredible writers to look into for starters.
20. Support your local girl gang. It feels so good to contribute to and actively support the women around you. Whether you’re just giving your best friend a listening ear or choosing to buy from an independent start-up over a faceless corporation, you’re doing your part in building world where women are allowed to grow and feel empowered without fetters.
21. Watch “Cowspiracy.” I’m not trying to push veganism on anyone; I’m struggling with becoming vegan myself. Whether or not you choose to eliminate meat and dairy is your personal choice, but I think it’s important to be conscious of how our world works—and how it all connects.
This mindset applies across the board. It’s so easy filter our feeds and our news source when we can tailor the information we receive with the click of the button, it’s scary. It breeds narrow-mindedness no matter where you fall on the spectrum (conservative or liberal, if we’re trying to make things easy here). This ability to tune it out is why Trump is in the running. Educate yourself as much as you can. Don’t let yourself become apathetic.
22. Learn how to travel on your own. Even if you’re just navigating a big city on your own, it counts. Baby steps.
23. Natural Calm is life-changing. I will never be without this. If you’re under high-stress and/or an insomniac, give Natural Calm (the raspberry-lemon flavor!) a go. It doesn’t fix everything, but it does make a big enough difference in how you sleep. Trust.
24. Take the leap. Just do it.
. . .
xx
Your turn. Thoughts?