How to Find Happiness + Keep It

Project Optimism. Join the revolution. 

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I could tell you that I’ve found The Secret in the pursuit of happiness, but I’d be lying. I haven’t—and I don’t think such a thing exists. It’s not to say I’m not content, that I don’t have my moments of utter bliss, because I do: I consider myself incredibly lucky to have been blessed with such beautiful friends, family, and nurturing environment with which I surround myself. Part of being the creative type, however, is being incredibly sensitive to said surroundings: there’s no such thing as mild or indifferent. Passion is the very foodstuff I live on, and with it comes highs and lows; I wouldn’t change it for the world.

What is the pursuit of happiness anyway? I used to find self-help books on attaining happiness a funny thing. Sure, I appreciate the idea of taking action in getting yourself where you want to be; it’s just that I never viewed happiness as something as a skirt-chasing object. Happiness was—or, rather, is—simply there, or it isn’t. And for a while, seeing endless titles about “discovering” or “finding” happiness in my RSS feed made me feel guilty: here they were, gurus or ordinary people who decided to finally take charge of their happiness and keep it, and there was I, seemingly bumbling about and not being assertive in one huge aspect of my life. What was I doing wrong?

Here’s the thing. You can’t chase happiness. No one can. It’s amorphous, ever-changing and infinitely re-defining itself, because what makes us happy is different what makes someone else happy. Happiness is an emotion. It’s a feeling, a breath, a snapshot, a memory. Happiness is a moment. Complicate it, and it loses all spontaneity and the beauty of its naivite. There’s no real definition for it because we as individuals are constantly changing: every moment is its own.

Happiness is incalculable. Happiness is organic.

Pursue happiness and you’ll be left chasing the has-beens rather the will-bes. Chase something intangible and you’ll be left with nothing but dissatisfaction. Stop. Take a breath, and look around you. Remember that pursuit of happiness is a concept of the media and the ego combined, and that happiness comes instead from realizing what we already have in one particular moment. Happiness will find you if you let it. Focus too hard and obsesses over some arbitrary (someone else’s) idea of happiness and it will seem forever elusive.

Instead, happiness is a mindset. You have to create it, not chase it. Live it, not look for it. Adopt optimism and you’ll feel the change immediately. Look at the world as the half-full glass waiting to be filled with something new. Sparkling water? A fresh green smoothie? Wine? A swig of champagne?

The possibilities are endless. Sometimes you get to order your next drink. Sometimes you don’t. (Surprise is a beautiful thing. Don’t let social media or the pervasiveness of the Internet tell you otherwise.)

I’m not going to tell you how to find happiness, because I can’t. I couldn’t even if I tried. I’m 20 years young—what do I know?—and at the moment, I only know what has made me happy: morning texts, late night smoothies, love notes on my Starbucks cups, a beautiful sentence, a political op ed, my best friends, performing on stage, Latin nights, one hour of Tracy Anderson, a well-decorated professor telling me that what I’m doing is good stuff. I don’t know what will make me happy next, because as I grow up, things change—and I love that. Independence or a new flat might make me happy tomorrow. A promotion might be it later on. What’s next, finding love or lovers? Settling down, or creating an empire? Both?

What I could tell you—what I know for sure—is this: happiness comes from living with intent. Make it simple, but significant. It’s not to say you’ll be unhappy if you’re without purpose, but I do fully believe that each one of us exists for a reason. We’re all contributing members of this Universe, why not begin now? If you know what you want and are taking the steps, however big or small, to get there, it’s not just happiness or fleeting moments. It’s contentment, fulfillment, and inner peace. And like happiness and everything else in life, be flexible with your goals: know what you want, but recognize when other opportunities or callings come your way.

Smile more, search less. Always keep your eyes and heart open for those moments.

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