I’m grasping to find the right words to share how these past few weeks have made me feel: I’ve been devastated, defeated, then furious. Heart in the pit of my stomach at how so many still don’t understand; I wish I could shake the indifference or hate out of them. I wish I could scream—only I can’t. Injustice and hypocrisy fall short on deaf ears; it’s impossible to reason with those who refuse to open their eyes. I could cry angry, heartbroken tears right now. (As I write this, I feel the wetness welling in my eyes, the growing tightness in my throat.)
I’m frustrated by this world. And I’m even angrier with myself for not being more outspoken. Being gentle isn’t enough anymore—and I say this as a second-generation, Taiwanese-American woman whose upbringing revolved around bending, not breaking; keeping your head down to win in the long run; avoiding attention or outing yourself as a stick in the mud, because that’s how we lose the game here. I understand the mindset, I do: it’s how my parents were able to survive and make a life for themselves in a country that rejected them 30 years ago and still does to this day. It’s simply not enough to power through to the top and hope to win. I thought I could, but I see it now.
Or is it the way when protests for justice are reduced to “rioting” and “looting”—and therefore grounds for “shooting” on-site? I’m disgusted paraphrasing the words from a man who dares think himself a leader. As a POC you’re silenced regardless of which path you choose. Walk the road of feigned indifference, no matter how the hateful words and actions break you inside, because you must be lawful and good—until years of muffled silence has trained you to fear using your voice, even when you finally feel ready. Choose action and you risk everything—friends, career, livelihood, your life.
There is light, though. If anything, this forced solitude has given me perspective. Seeing the call to education and action rumble through the world—even while most of us are still at home—brings hope. So many have shared incredible messages on what to read, how to learn, and how to move forward in action. At the end of the day, education is paramount—and because we live in a capitalist world, money is power. Here are some links to helpful or eye-opening resources:
- This Google docs (compiled by Sarah Sophie Flicker and Alyssa Klein) of “Anti-Racism Resources for White People” is great.
- So is this article.
- @botanicaldyke curated an excellent list that outlines how to help if you can’t donate, where to donate if you can, plus additional tips on showing up.
- I’m so happy that Aurora James of Brother Vellies compiled this, because in this country, money talks. Money moves.
- I’m about to add these books from the Black Women Radicals and the Asian American Feminist Collective to my reading list.
- @biancaxgarcia created a spreadsheet of all local protester bail funds you can donate to.
“But your solitude, even in the midst of quite foreign circumstances, will be a hold and a home for you, and leading from it you will find all the paths you need. All my good wishes are ready to accompany you, and you have all my confidence and trust.”
If this time alone as shown us anything, it’s that we can no longer accept our lives before. We can’t settle back into complacency; we need to build a new normal.
Black lives matter.
. . .
xx
Your turn. Thoughts?