On Femininity vs. Feminism

Time after I time I write about how I appreciate the “classics” and admire the designers who “understand what the woman wants.” And while I’m fully aware that it’s purely opinion and to some level attributed to my personal philosophies (with regards to style, that is) as well as my marketing background (I’m forever intrigued by why advertising to and for the masses works the way it does, so when a designer achieves such incredible reach and appeal whilst still maintaining a brand personality that consumers think champion individuality; i.e., not becoming a commodity or easily replaceable in the consumer mindset, it’s a feat worth acknowledging), I can’t help but go back and forth on why I think the way I do. Long story short? When it comes to what’s most acceptable (read: desirable) in women’s fashion (to clarify, “successful,” or “mass-marketed” fashion), it all goes back to patriarchy, period.

And yet it’s not that simple. Or that’s what I tell myself, at least, in hopes of retaining some sort of feminist ground. I pick out a certain article of clothing because I’m attracted to it instantly—but why? Some level of meaning is always attributed to everything I pick, no matter how simple or basic or seemingly practical, but it begs the question why I think that way. Why this particular shirt, or dress, or skirt? It’s largely due to what looks good, and what looks good to me, I realize, just so conveniently happens to be what men would find appealing.

Oh, the inevitable male gaze.

There’s enough diatribe on the Internet about what it means to be a fashion-loving feminist, how to be a “good” feminist while still looking “pretty” without feeling guilty, etc. that are far more legitimate—for the record, there’s no such thing as a “good” or “bad” feminist; feminism isn’t about perfection, nor is it about filling a prescribed role: it’s about understanding the root of inequalities, acknowledging their existence, and consciously striving for betterment—but I don’t believe that there’s such a thing as too much when it comes spreading awareness. It astounds me when people around me don’t see the manipulation or the deeply rooted inequalities and stereotypes in our everyday lives, all of which are perpetuated by media (implicitly and explicitly, intentional or not). Those things, however big or small, go by undetected. That’s what’s scary: what we don’t know does kill us. Ignorance isn’t bliss. It’s dangerous.

I see those things, I see the marketability in selling women something they think they want because it’s what she (and the company) think men would want, and I still buy into it. Does that make me a sell-out? Can I still call myself a respectable feminist? Oh, these are real questions that come to mind every so often when I’m getting dressed (I should never be left alone with my thoughts for too long). Am I afraid of being avant-garde because of the male gaze, because of what society thinks? Do I enjoy trying to look conventionally pretty because I want to—i.e., that just so happens to be what lines up with my aesthetic tastes—or because I’ve been conditioned since birth to? Can I even call it aesthetics at this point? How is it mine, if it’s really not even my point of view?

And then: am I thinking too much about this?

Society requires a woman to a look like a woman—but what does that even mean? What does feminine mean? (This is why feminism is important for both genders, because patriarchy perpetuates male stereotypes, too. Take fashion, for example: although “metrosexuality” is a rising trend in the fashion/beauty industries — because being a man requires you to look “masculine,” and in that sense alone, women have a little more leeway when it comes to personal style.) “Classic” just so happens to be showcases the woman’s silhouette the best: little sweaters, tailored suits, soft blouses, etc, all of which are pretty and simple — and therefore feminine.

That Sagan quote—written in the 50s for context—has been circulating the web for quite some time now. While, as a modern woman, I can’t embrace the statement wholeheartedly (and as a feminist, it just irks me), I can’t say I’m not intrigued by the sentiment.I totally do love what clothes can do—what they can ignite, inspire, and instigate—and I suppose in that way, I love the seductive power of clothing. I love the story clothing can tell: we gravitate towards certain things because they speak to us in some way or another. Maybe it’s nostalgia, perhaps its a hint of what we want to—or could—be; maybe we just like it, or maybe we think our partner will. Whatever it is, clothing seduces us, and in doing so, we wear it and it allows us to do the same. Look at me, it says for us, don’t you want to know my story?

.   .   .

xx

Editor’s Notes: Quotes are used often over choice words because while they’re accepted as “normal” in our society colloquialism, they’re not often the right labels in terms of being fair.