{"id":6978,"date":"2014-02-14T08:30:28","date_gmt":"2014-02-14T13:30:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/abitcoquettish.wordpress.com\/?p=6978"},"modified":"2025-02-10T15:09:38","modified_gmt":"2025-02-10T23:09:38","slug":"on-love-valentines-day","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/on-love-valentines-day\/","title":{"rendered":"On Love + Valentine’s Day"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"photo<\/a><\/p>\n

I don’t claim to be an expert on love and relationships; in fact, I barely know a thing about it. Scratch that: I don’t<\/em>\u00a0know a thing about it, except that it’s a word\u2014a pretty loaded one at that\u2014that the Oxford dictionary defines as “an intense feeling of deep affection,” and one that I use only in the context of my family, my best friends, and beautiful things. I love a lot, and my life is defined by the people and things I love\u2014and yet, I don’t know a thing about it.<\/p>\n

What I\u00a0do<\/em>\u00a0know, however, is that there’s all kind of love. Love of things, love for humankind; love for a lover, love of a brother; love for your dad, love for your mom; and the most underrated of all,\u00a0love of and for yourself<\/strong>. I’d go so far as to say that it’s the hardest kind of love\u2014self-love<\/a>\u2014because it requires more than just giving.\u00a0
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

You have to accept, too.<\/p>\n

I’m not sure why it’s so much harder to accept yourself wholeheartedly than it is someone else. Is it innate\u2014a means of survival, because if you’re not tough on yourself, life can overwhelm you\u2014or is it conditioned? You’d think that in a world where #selfies are the new portrait, which empowers the individual to show others how he\/she sees himself\/herself (versus how someone else sees them), that we as generation would be more open to the idea of self-love and acceptance. (The sentiment is there, but if anything, it’s only perpetuated creation of a separate self\u2014rather than who we truly are and wish to be\u2014that falls under normal or “liked” by societal standards and narcissism.) Self-love is more complicated, more difficult than it’s ever been.<\/p>\n

Without it, there’s no real foundation for a relationship with anyone else\u2014family, friend, lover\u2014ecause how can we be ourselves, and give 100%, when we don’t even know how to do that for ourselves? The beauty of being single is in having all the time in the world,\u00a0sans<\/em> distractions, to work on yourself. I truly believe that people will come when each of you are ready to give to one another, and that if you rush the process before it’s meant to be, unhappiness is inevitable.<\/p>\n

Singledom isn’t a reflection of your desirability; whether or not you realize it at the time, it’s a declaration of independence and self-discovery.<\/p>\n

And if it takes some amount of faking it ’til you make it in the self-love department, so be it then. It’s cliche, but it’s cliche for a reason: it works. Spend time not alone, but on a date with yourself; when you’re left with your own thoughts, you’re given the opportunity to explore who you are and could be. Treat yourself, because like L’Oreal loves to say,\u00a0you’re worth it<\/em>. You are! Who better to indulge than\u00a0you<\/em>? Why\u00a0not\u00a0<\/em>look beautiful, or wear something extravagant, or do something you’ve always wanted to do? Making the effort to do something for you is the first step in reshaping your mentality and persepctive of self. Make it a habit and you start to believe it:\u00a0hey, I really am worth it<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Once you see it, so will everyone else.<\/p>\n

\n

\u201cThere are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2014John Lennon<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

. \u00a0 . \u00a0 .<\/p>\n

Happy Valentine’s Day.<\/em><\/p>\n

xx<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I don’t claim to be an expert on love and relationships; in fact, I barely know a thing about it. Scratch that: I don’t\u00a0know a thing about it, except that it’s a word\u2014a pretty loaded one at that\u2014that the Oxford dictionary defines as “an intense feeling of deep affection,” and one that I use only in the context of my family, my best friends, and beautiful things. I love a lot, and my life is defined by the people and things I love\u2014and yet, I don’t know a thing about it. What I\u00a0do\u00a0know, however, is that there’s all kind of love. Love of things, love for humankind; love for a lover, love of a brother; love for your dad, love for your mom; and the most underrated of all,\u00a0love of and for yourself. I’d go so far as to say that it’s the hardest kind of love\u2014self-love\u2014because it requires more than just giving.\u00a0 You have to accept, too. I’m not sure why it’s so much harder to accept yourself wholeheartedly than it is someone else. Is it innate\u2014a means of survival, because if you’re not tough on yourself, life can overwhelm you\u2014or is it conditioned? You’d think that in a…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"full-width-content","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2,704,20,27],"tags":[698,400,503,710,582,1463],"class_list":{"0":"post-6978","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-advice","7":"category-etc","8":"category-life","9":"category-philosophy","10":"tag-girl-talk","11":"tag-love","12":"tag-pearls-of-wisdom","13":"tag-relationships","14":"tag-self-love","15":"tag-valentines-day","16":"entry","17":"has-post-thumbnail"},"yoast_head":"\nOn Love + Valentine's Day \u2022 A Bit Coquettish<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I don't claim to be an expert on love and relationships; in fact, I barely know a thing about it. 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It's quite addicting, I must admit, but it is ridiculously fun! If would like to know what the ever mysterious moi is up to (that was quite possibly the worst grammatical mistake in a sentence), then\u00a0follow, follow, follow! Free coffee at Starbucks. On Valentine's Day, I got a White\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Kim's Diary"","block_context":{"text":"Kim's Diary","link":"https:\/\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/category\/life\/kims-diary\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"things-i-love-thursday","src":"https:\/\/lacouturiernyc.files.wordpress.com\/2009\/02\/things-i-love-thursday.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":6957,"url":"https:\/\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/last-minute-valentines-day-gift-guide\/","url_meta":{"origin":6978,"position":2},"title":"The Last Minute Valentine’s Day Gift Guide","author":"Kimberly","date":"11 February 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Ah, Valentine's Day. Supposedly the second biggest day with a capital V (if ya know what I mean) in a girl's life\u2014but for the sake of attempts at brevity, and for the sanity of you and I both\u2014let's just take that statement with a grain of salt and\u00a0not have me\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Advice"","block_context":{"text":"Advice","link":"https:\/\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/category\/philosophy\/advice\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"valentine's day l'agent provocateur journelle hearts","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/02\/valentines-day-lagent-provocateur-journelle-hearts.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/02\/valentines-day-lagent-provocateur-journelle-hearts.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/02\/valentines-day-lagent-provocateur-journelle-hearts.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/02\/valentines-day-lagent-provocateur-journelle-hearts.jpg?resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/02\/valentines-day-lagent-provocateur-journelle-hearts.jpg?resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":298,"url":"https:\/\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/single-on-valentines-day\/","url_meta":{"origin":6978,"position":3},"title":"Single on Valentine’s Day","author":"Kimberly","date":"12 February 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"So we all know the fourteenth of every February has been, nationally (read: corporately) deemed\u00a0Valentine\u2019s Day, and that I, for some unknown reason, am completely, utterly, and inexplicably in love with the holiday. I shouldn\u2019t be, by societal standards.\u00a0I\u2019m a single girl.\u00a0I\u2019m supposed to hate it; I was, after all,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Advice"","block_context":{"text":"Advice","link":"https:\/\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/category\/philosophy\/advice\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/abitcoquettish.files.wordpress.com\/2011\/02\/daisylowe.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/abitcoquettish.files.wordpress.com\/2011\/02\/daisylowe.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1 1x, https:\/\/abitcoquettish.files.wordpress.com\/2011\/02\/daisylowe.jpg?w=525&h=300&crop=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":2216,"url":"https:\/\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/happy-valentines-day\/","url_meta":{"origin":6978,"position":4},"title":"Happy Valentine’s Day!","author":"Kimberly","date":"14 February 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"I get the whole corporate-ness and superficiality of it all\u2014I do. But I can't help but say I love Valentine's Day, single or not, down to the unexpected texts and hearts-sprinkled cupcakes. Live a little, love a little, and if you've always been more of an independent introvert, use this\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Advice"","block_context":{"text":"Advice","link":"https:\/\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/category\/philosophy\/advice\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/abitcoquettish.files.wordpress.com\/2012\/02\/valentines-day.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/abitcoquettish.files.wordpress.com\/2012\/02\/valentines-day.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1 1x, https:\/\/abitcoquettish.files.wordpress.com\/2012\/02\/valentines-day.jpg?w=525&h=300&crop=1 1.5x, https:\/\/abitcoquettish.files.wordpress.com\/2012\/02\/valentines-day.jpg?w=700&h=400&crop=1 2x, https:\/\/abitcoquettish.files.wordpress.com\/2012\/02\/valentines-day.jpg?w=1050&h=600&crop=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":7562,"url":"https:\/\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/love-lingerie-the-valentines-day-edition\/","url_meta":{"origin":6978,"position":5},"title":"What to Wear: Valentine’s Day Lingerie","author":"Kimberly","date":"8 February 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Whether single or in a relationship,\u00a0I've always loved Valentine's Day\u00a0for all the reasons the rest of the world seems to hate it.\u00a0Whatever. I take any excuse to let my hedonistic flag fly, and if the fourteenth of February is the day,\u00a0so be it. Romance has\u00a0nothing to do with it (really,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Etc."","block_context":{"text":"Etc.","link":"https:\/\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/category\/life\/etc\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"valentine's day lingerie, la perla, stephanie lacava, matcha, donna karan cashmere","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/valentines-day-lingerie-la-perla-stephanie-lacava-matcha-donna-karan-cashmere3.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/valentines-day-lingerie-la-perla-stephanie-lacava-matcha-donna-karan-cashmere3.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/valentines-day-lingerie-la-perla-stephanie-lacava-matcha-donna-karan-cashmere3.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/valentines-day-lingerie-la-perla-stephanie-lacava-matcha-donna-karan-cashmere3.jpg?resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/valentines-day-lingerie-la-perla-stephanie-lacava-matcha-donna-karan-cashmere3.jpg?resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6978","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6978"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6978\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9058,"href":"https:\/\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6978\/revisions\/9058"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6978"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6978"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kimberlypearl.co\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6978"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}