Mila Kunis, I Have a “Friends with Benefits” Proposal For You

Mila (since we’re on a first name basis here):

I have a proposal for you. One you must be familiar with; you’ve heard of the concept of Friends With Benefits, correct? It’s quite the fad these days, I hear. In any case, if it’s of no moral or ethical conflict to you, I say we form said pact.

Let’s be friends. We’ll braid each other’s hair, gab about SYTYCD, meet up at Starbucks every few days since we both seem to share expensive taste in our coffee addictions. The main clause to this proposed friendship is this: after your sartorial, paparazzi moments, you’ll give me your photographed ensembles. We wouldn’t want you to be caught in the same outfit twice (tacky, tacky if you’re an American celeb!). Starting with this Cacharel dress. (I’d pawn those shoes too if you were a size five. But alas, you’re not. Who is?! I’ll settle for the Ray-Bans instead.)

It’s a fairly reasonable exchange, I think.

I’d reciprocate the favor but (1) nothing in my wardrobe is snap-worthy; if my own camera refuses to acknowledge the fashionable standing of, well, my own fashion choices, I highly doubt a photographer would want to document my style choices, and (2) the best you’re ever going to get are a pair of Nine West heels, in size five, which won’t even fit you at all. I’m saving myself the humiliation of having you accepting my offers out of charitable obligation…

.   .   .

xx

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