Five Things (6.12.20)

Medium Telfar Shopping Bag (a.k.a. the ultimate, impossible-to-get-your-hands-on tote)

1. The heartbreak I felt two weeks ago has turned into acute anger and growing frustration. What about Breonna Taylor, murdered in her sleep? (I’ve signed this petition—I’m wary of Change.org—and it’s just not enough.) Say her name. We cannot forget about black women and black trans lives, too. (Update: @Nymphstory and @lavenderlilacviolet created this list of actions and resources for #BlackTransLivesMatter solidarity. I will be studying this.)

2. Also not enough, but something: realizing how little of what I own is by or from a BIPOC company. It seems superficial (and I’m not denying the surface-level realization behind it), but money talks, and money matters. When you have the privilege of choosing where and what you spend your money on, you’re (in theory) enacting a vote of support. And, food for thought: what does it say about me when I’m allowing the most visible form of self-expression to be dictated by a person (or a board of people) who doesn’t look like me, think like me, or try to understand someone like me? This is where representation matters.

3. I went out for a grocery run this week (during which I bought fresh flowers and eucalyptus to brighten up my home and mood) and it was strange seeing just how unaffected—everyone was. Granted, everyone else (like me) was just minding their own business at an appropriate distance, but naively, I wanted to see something. Some semblance of being changed as a society.

I fully realize the hypocrisy, of course. I, too, am just trying to be normal despite boiling on the inside. I think I’m just afraid that this movement will die down or drown out with everyone’s (well, the majority’s) attempt to “return to normalcy”)—and even more frightening, that I’ll lose steam, too.

4. Reading one book a day feels trivial. (But I’m still doing it.)

5. And I can’t get over @patiasfantasyworld‘s incredible anti-racism database. There are daily updates! Endless resources! Please use it.

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xx