How to Be “Sexy”

I talk about sexy a lot. I overuse it. Sexy this, sexy that. Truth is, I like sexy, and I’m never ashamed (or ever embarrassed) to express it through dress (though I err on the conservative side). But what is sexy?

Sexy could be a plunging neckline, a body-conscious LBD, a glossy lip paired with nude stilettos. It could be. It’s definitively sex—without a doubt—and if you feel empowered by those things, so be it. I do. It’s the 21st century; here’s to female sexuality and liberation. At last!

BUT (before my mother and father have heart attacks reading the title of this post) think about this: a red dress may be femme fatale in every which way posible. Put it on the right girl and she’ll turn heads, yet when worn (do note the diction, here) on the girl who lacks confidence? She’s but another girl in the crowd, vying for attention.

Don’t let the media fool you into believing the “right” lipstick or “right” hair is what makes you sexy. These things are meant to enhance what its already there. And unless you truly believe in yourself, it’s just another layer, another mask, another victim fallen to cleverly constructed advertising. Sexiness comes from within: it is innate (much like personal style), and is exuded only through the way in which you carry yourself. Sexiness is not defined by how you can alter your appearance; it is how you express yourself. It is a part of who you are.

Sexiness is as viable in a pair of yoga pants as it is in an Hervé Léger (or an approximation by Express, but we live for the aspirational!). Cliché, yes, but true.

Never belittle yourself. Modesty and constant self-deprecation are two different things. Embrace your intelligence, your wit. Don’t underestimate yourself or your potential. What you can offer to the table, to conversation. It’s no longer the forties or fifties where etiquette handbooks advise women to be seen and not heard. As the woman’s woman puts it:

“A real feminist doesn’t apologize for her beauty. You can be a sexy, beautiful woman and be the smartest person in the room.”

—Olivia Wilde, to Marie Claire

Perhaps it makes you intimidating. Perhaps. But you cannot argue against it’s utter empowerment. If a man (or woman) is put off by it, he isn’t even worth it. It’s that simple. A beautiful but vapid face lasts just as long as a lit candle; one with wit and joie de vivre is interesting. Rare. One of a kind. Intelligence, opinion, and philosophy are sexy. You have a head on your shoulders: chin up, mes chéries. It’s there for a reason.

Smile, and laugh. Genuinely. Be lighthearted, throw your head back, stop thinking and just laugh. For centuries classical art has portrayed women as the surveyed and the surveyor (John Berger, Ways of Seeing): for too long we’ve been reduced to an object of visual pleasure, where were also too aware of how we look and how we appear to others. Stop thinking, and just do. Squinty eyes? Laugh lines? A wide mouth? Who’s looking? Throw away self-consciousness. Laugh, be you.

Which goes hand in hand with this idea of imitating what is perceived as sexy. Hands on hips, arched back, pouty lips. Retaking photographs until you find one fit for you default for whatever social media profile out thtere. I’ll say it one last time: STOP. Don’t overthink it! you’re taking pictures to capture the memory of that amazing night out with your girlfriends. Smile genuinely, be carefree. It’s that attitude which emanates. At your most vulnerable, natural state, you are at your most beautiful and confident. And thus, at your sexiest. I have and will always continue to maintain that the uncontrived will always be far more attractive than a modeled pose. Trust.

Less is more. Remember: clothes are meant to enhance, not to mask whatever you deem an “imperfection,” nor detract from you. True art in dressing well is leaving more to the imagination (which is, coincidentally, the credo of any coquette). Attention is lovely, but there are different kinds. How you portray and represent yourself is evident in how you dress. Do you value your importance and self-worth? Then put away the cleavage; don’t manipulate your own body and utilize it as a tool. Your body is a temple it. Worship it. Respect it, and you will only gain respect in return.

.   .   .

x

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