Lessons From My Mother

My Mother’s Books

The older I get, the more I realize I’m not just like my mother, but that I’m becoming my mother—and that she has been (and will always be) right about everything.

1. Lukewarm water or hot green tea are the cornerstones of health.
2. Sleep is beauty and beauty, sleep.
3. Learn your acupuncture points. (She used to print out diagrams of ears, feet, and hands that mapped every pressure point and what they corresponded to.) Trust the science that has been practiced—and treasured—for thousands of years.
4. Less is more. Less makeup, less styling, less stuff.
5. Never pay full price for anything. Never buy anything on impulse either. (You’ll always regret it). Walk away and if you even remember to, come back in a month. If it’s still there, it’s meant to be. Else: move on.
6. Lightly steamed or cooked vegetables (warmed just enough to soften them and bring out their brightest, most saturated colors) are better than raw veggies—and easier on the stomach, too. (Tell me: have you ever seen a monk or a 103-year-old Chinese woman eat a bowl of salad?)
7. Whenever you’re following a recipe, cut the recommended sugar by at least half; the same applies when cooking with salt. I live by this rule, still. I don’t own sugar or sweeteners, and I use salt only to gargle with or to season the food that isn’t mine (on the rare occasion I’m cooking for someone else.)
8. Mini skirts aren’t for me. I should’ve listened to her; I spent too many years flitting about in bandage minis because they were in until I finally realized that pencil- to mid-length cuts are far more flattering on my body. The lesson learned isn’t to hide or to be demure (though to be clear: a Chinese mother always wishes for higher necklines and lower hemlines), but to know yourself well enough to stay your course. Whatever is deemed “sexy” or “trendy” du jour isn’t one-size-fits-all. You have to know who you are. Once you do, you will always look and be your best self.
9. Books are the ultimate escape, each harboring a world worth diving into.
10. To be an “Other” is a chance to change the status quo. To this day, she reminds me that I’ve been given the gift of two cultures—and because I can live in these two worlds, I have the ability to choose the best from each. Different is good: it’s freedom.
11. Justice and education are the only fights worth having.
12. Independence and financial freedom are the two most important things a woman can ever have. My mom gave me permission to picture a life of my own, sans traditional milestones, and it has been the greatest gift (besides love) a mother can give.

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xx